This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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