she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
sex in a hospital.. check
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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