I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
