so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
