so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
