So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
