Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
