You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
