The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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