She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
