i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
