The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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