he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
