I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I hate all girls vehemently.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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