everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
