I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
