let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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