I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
