Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I smell stomach acid.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize