Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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