I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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