I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
