that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
