During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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