it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
if only i could text you this smell
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
