I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
