KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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