i just had sex bonerless
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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