I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
