remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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