turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
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