You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
