Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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