oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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