I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize