remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just invented taco cereal.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Found the puke drawer
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
