ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
