I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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