I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize