i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize