You're completely useless in the revolution.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
