I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
