Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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