We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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