I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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