at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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