i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
