If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
