i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
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