Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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