The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
