Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
