she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
