I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize