It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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