Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
