I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
