whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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