honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
