You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
