Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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