If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
