I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
