Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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