He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
