Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
