Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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