Your dad touched me again.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
